Remembering and Cherishing...Day 71

October 30, 2009 was my due date for Honor J.  I remember being so excited to have a "Fall" baby and secretly hoping Honor wouldn't be born on Halloween.  Honor would have been 4 today, it really doesn't seem like that long ago.  I guess when you lose someone, it always feels like it happened yesterday.  There really are no words to describe when losing a child, the pain still remains, there is still a lot of sadness, and a lot of "what if's" and "what would have beens".  In the midst of thinking about Honor throughout my day today, I was also filled with joy because of my little man Landry.  He turns 3 next Saturday on the 9th.  He was clingy when I picked him up today and during our Bible study, but that is okay, infact I cherished it.  He just couldn't get enough of me.  I have had lots of people tell me, well if you hadn't lost Honor, you wouldn't have Landry. I know they mean well, but that is not at all the way I look at it or how one should view it.  My child is my child and I would never choose one over the other or ever think or look at it in that way.  What I do know is that God created both Honor and Landry and had His reasons for us not being able to know my precious Honor here on earth.   After we lost Honor, a few months later, I had a necklace made that said, Expected on Earth, but received in Heaven, 3-31-09.  That saying speaks the truth and while I will never know why God chose this, I have that hope to meet Honor in heaven.  While today was sad in remembering Honor, it was also joyous while I cherished my son Landry and hearing him tell me when he hugged me today," Love you momma."  God is so very good.