Hearing God-It's About Him and Not About Me...Day 55

When I hear a sermon most times there is at least a part of the sermon that I feel speaks to me; usually.  Today I think  know the whole entire sermon was speaking to me.  Ironically, the title of the new sermon series at church is Hearing God.  It has been a very frustrating weekend for me as I have yet again not passed a certain test.  I have taken it many times, have studied, and studied, and studied for months trying to get this thing passed.  This last time I fervently prayed for God's wisdom, peace, and strength to pass this test.  As I have waited for the results the past few weeks, every time I felt anxious and would worry I would pray and ask for His peace.  I won't lie, I was hoping and almost believing that since I prayed so much and was trusting God more with my anxiousness that I would no doubt pass this test.  That wasn't the case.  I was and am devastated.  It ruined my Friday night and most of my day Saturday as the thoughts of "Why can't I pass this?  I feel like such a failure! God, why didn't you allow me to pass?  What will happen since I didn't pass?" The stress has consumed much of my life, stealing my joy, robbing me of making and enjoying memories with my family.  It went as far as me questioning why we pray so hard sometimes if we don't understand the outcome.  I have shed more tears then I can count over this one stupid test.  My husband and close friends have told me over and over that this test doesn't define who I am, it doesn't mean I am stupid or that I am a failure.  I didn't believe them.  I didn't believe those statements until I heard Paul's sermon today.  I took notes on my phone throughout the sermon and rather then me retyping, I am posting the snapshots of what I typed out.

The second snap shot is what really hit home with me.  Why do I want to hear God?  It is to accomplish HIS purpose.  It is NOT guidance to OUR benefit.  Wow! Yeah, so passing this test was solely to my benefit. I didn't ask or listen to God to hear what He wanted to accomplish for His kingdom.  I still don't understand why I didn't pass, I may never understand.  I am simply to listen to God speak and listen to what He wants, how He wants, and why He wants to bring God's kingdom here, to conform us to His image and purpose, not mine.  At the end of the sermon and you can see I typed it; we are to choose a scripture to recite over and over this week and to hear this week in the midst of our busy life and really, really listen to God and hear Him speak.  The verse I chose is; which happens to be the one of the verses Paul shared this morning.

James 1:19

My dear friends, you should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

I've heard and read this many times, but didn't really obey what this actually says.  I very much like to be in control of everything (just ask my sweet hubby), so when I want to be in control that doesn't allow me to sometimes be quick to listen.  I have my own agenda such as this one, and when it didn't go my way, I became very angry.  After hearing today's sermon, I could take a deep breath and allow God's peace to fill my heart and soul again.  I decided I wasn't going to allow this test to steal my joy, rob me of enjoying my time with my family, and most definitely not allow myself to not worship God and still be thankful and joyful for who He is and what His plan and purpose is for me.  This week (and hopefully months and years to come) I am going to listen to Him speak, not to fulfill my purpose or to answer what I have planned, but to listen to what He has planned for me and His purpose.  I am incredibly thankful for Paul and the words he spoke that God laid on his heart to share.  I am thankful that God still loves me and forgives me for when I start to take charge of my life and become angry when things don't go my way.  He is still oh, so good, even when things get tough!