That Moment When Anxiety Sets In..Day 13

What a day! I have had this sinus headache/migraine for nearly 24 hours which was so bad I couldn't sleep AT ALL last night. The past three nights have been awful, to me there's almost nothing worse then being able to get in your own bed and sleep, but can't.  I am really hoping to be over this sinus infection so I can be ready to greet my 4th graders bright and early Wednesday morning.  Since I didn't sleep last night, I was up already at 6 when sweet Landry boy awoke.  I brought him in bed with us and of course he wasn't having any of that. He kissed Josh on the cheek and that was the end of him sleeping as well. My head was still pounding so much that it was hard to see and I told Josh how my night was and I didn't know what to do to make this headache go away.  So being the awesome hubby that he is, he scooped up Landry and headed downstairs so I could try and sleep.  Landry didn't want to leave me, as he has been attached to me lately and  I had told him I had a boo boo on my head, his sweet little hands cupped my face and he kissed my head ever so gently. Love that sweet boy. Thankful.  So in the midst of this annoying headache, I was able to see how sweet, gentle, and loving my little guy is, thankful.
I think a lot of times being a mom; we often either aren't able to rest when we are sick due to the husband working or perhaps they may be single and there is no one else to care for the children, but for me, neither were the case for me this morning.  Josh was able to take the kids, feed them breakfast, and get them ready for church AND bring me toast and my medicine in bed this morning!  But still as a mom, I felt incredibly guilty that he had to do that and that I should just get up and take care of the kids and do this and that.  Thankful that my husband is glad to help out and take care of all of us, thankful that he knew I needed rest.
I was able to get some sleep by dozing in and out the next few hours and contemplated about going to church or not. I definitely was tired of being in bed and wanting to get out of the house, but my head still hurt pretty bad. I ended up going and was glad I did.  Then it hit me like a fierce wave in the ocean at night, anxiety! We left church and had no food in the house so we were trying to figure out where to go, I was grumpy, hungry, and frustrated. After driving around for awhile, and not being able to decide what sounded good, because when you have a headache like this, nothing sounds good. So I went through Arby's and grabbed my family lunch, nothing for me. I was too annoyed and grumpy. We came home and I came upstairs to do some work and to study.  Anxiety - yep, it's here, full force - I start teaching in a few days, no lesson plans written, classroom not all the way set up, studying for a test in 3 wks, the house hasn't been cleaned, need to go grocery shopping, plan meals for the week, etc. etc. etc. Josh came in to see what was up and I just let it out. Yep, my anxiety led me to tears, ones I often hold back but should just let them flow.  I told him everything that was bothering me and I started to feel better. It is amazing how just having someone hear what you worried about and crying (more so for girls I am sure) can bring you perspective and peace.  Josh hugged me and encouraged me, and set up a game plan to get this test passed and function with work.  Thankful for such a sweet and understanding husband, my best friend.
After pondering this anxiety, that was part of why I haven't been sleeping. As I have tossed and turned these past three nights, so many things run through my head. How am I going to keep it all together? How am I gonna pass this test? How am I going to write all of my lesson plans? I can't teach - how do I teach? How will I function with having to get up by 5 am every morning without going to bed each night at 7pm? How can I balance my family, job, and church? See a pattern here? How -How-How
Anxiety is evil and sneaky, slips in when you least expect it.  Only this time, I was able (after a tearful meltdown) to face it head on, and replace it with thankfulness.  Thankful I am able to start teaching in a few days. Thankful I have a loving and supporting family to come home to. Thankful to spend the rest of the this evening running errands with the whole family.  Thankful to be able to let go of this control and let Josh be my teammate, life is so much easier when you let others help and share the load.  Thankful that my velcro boy kept saying - one more kiss, one more hug x 20 tonight when putting him to bed.  Thankful that last night my sweet girl Hadley wanted to snuggle, something that she NEVER does now that she is 7, but we did and she fell asleep in our bed and never moved once when Josh carried her to her own bed, peaceful.  Thankful for a God who helps me face my anxiety FINALLY instead of trying to hide from it, I have such a long way to go, but I believe for the first time, I am taking the baby steps necessary to get there.  This is one of my favorite verses that I say over and over in my head:
I Peter 5:7 Cast all of your ANXIETY on Him because He cares for you.

He truly cares and He will take it all, but we have to be willing to give it to Him.
God is good!

Sweet Hadley fell asleep snuggling with her momma last night