Finding the Strength...Day 17

Not gonna sugar coat this one, today, a rough one.  At 4:30 am my son decides to wake up, I run in his room to keep him from getting naked and peeing on the floor as he has been lately and to help him pee in the potty. When I went in, he was half naked, put his pull up in the dresser drawer, while I was searching for it, he literally stood right in front of me and peed - ALL OVER THE FLOOR. Did I mention it was 4:30 and that my alarm was set to go off at 5:15? So, I flipped out, yelled at the poor guy and he screamed bloody murder and cried for the next hour. Yep, failed parenting at my finest. I realized soon after (probably the sobs coming from my son) that yelling at him at 4:30 in the morning wasn't the best choice. But I am beyond exhausted and seriously who is thinking logically at this time of the morning, and I should've considered that with my son, he's 2 1/2 its technically the middle of the night, he probably may not really know what he is doing? I don't know, but after trying to console him, get him to go back to sleep for the next hour was a no go.  

This then had me getting a late start for work since I now leave at 6:15am, and when I went to get ready he followed me crying and didn't want me to leave. Broke-my-heart. So as you can guess, today didn't so much start off on a good note.  This was my second day of school and while nothing major happened, the students are great, etc. this sense of standardized testing, lesson plans, etc. etc. started piling on, and the lack of sleep set in which meant my lack of finding things to be thankful for started to flutter off into the distance.

As I drove home from work I could feel the anxiety start to creep in, my exhaustion egged that on and the fear of how my precious son who had been up since 4:30 and at pre-school since 7:15am would be a complete mess when I picked him up, not to mention finding out how many accidents he probably had today.  To my surprise he was more than elated to see me, he kept hugging me, kissing me, and saying miss you mommy, love you mommy - thankful!!!

As I sit here at a coffee shop working on lesson plans after 9pm, when I'd so love to be in bed, while I could easily slip into the complaining mode of..Im tired, I have so much work to do, etc. etc. I think back to this time at 1, 2, and 3 yrs. ago, probably at this same seat and same table feeling like I will NEVER get this master's degree and have my own classroom - tonight I have my degree and have my own classroom - thankful!  God is good!