Day 191...Remembering

All day I have been contemplating, remembering, and also dreading tomorrow.  Tomorrow will be two years since my mom passed away.  I have been thinking about her, who she was, memories of growing up, wondering how her last days on earth were spent since she died suddenly.  I have been contemplating how I will celebrate and remember her life tomorrow.  I wish I could visit her grave. I did this last year and it some how just felt peaceful, as if I could still be with her.  I decided not to take the day off of work and drive the 2 hrs to do so tomorrow, and now I am feeling a little out of sorts, or as if I am not respecting her by not going.  I still want to honor her in some way tomorrow, think of her and remember the good times, just not sure how yet. There is so much involved with my mom and our relationship, it wasn't the typical Brady Bunch mother-daughter bond.  However, God has been so good in revealing the joyous moments growing up, her positive qualities, and mostly how her struggles were not a reflection of her love for me as I had grew up believing.  I am thankful for what God has taught me over the past 2 yrs. I am thankful that through all of the heart wrenching pain, there is joy.  I am thankful for my mom and that I am able to remember her tomorrow.

I know that I posted this last year, but she hated to have her picture taken, therefore I do not have many. This is my favorite. She is celebrating her 50th birthday June 2009 and my sweet Hadley is just 2 yrs. old smiling at her.