That Moment When Anxiety Sets In..Day 13

What a day! I have had this sinus headache/migraine for nearly 24 hours which was so bad I couldn't sleep AT ALL last night. The past three nights have been awful, to me there's almost nothing worse then being able to get in your own bed and sleep, but can't.  I am really hoping to be over this sinus infection so I can be ready to greet my 4th graders bright and early Wednesday morning.  Since I didn't sleep last night, I was up already at 6 when sweet Landry boy awoke.  I brought him in bed with us and of course he wasn't having any of that. He kissed Josh on the cheek and that was the end of him sleeping as well. My head was still pounding so much that it was hard to see and I told Josh how my night was and I didn't know what to do to make this headache go away.  So being the awesome hubby that he is, he scooped up Landry and headed downstairs so I could try and sleep.  Landry didn't want to leave me, as he has been attached to me lately and  I had told him I had a boo boo on my head, his sweet little hands cupped my face and he kissed my head ever so gently. Love that sweet boy. Thankful.  So in the midst of this annoying headache, I was able to see how sweet, gentle, and loving my little guy is, thankful.
I think a lot of times being a mom; we often either aren't able to rest when we are sick due to the husband working or perhaps they may be single and there is no one else to care for the children, but for me, neither were the case for me this morning.  Josh was able to take the kids, feed them breakfast, and get them ready for church AND bring me toast and my medicine in bed this morning!  But still as a mom, I felt incredibly guilty that he had to do that and that I should just get up and take care of the kids and do this and that.  Thankful that my husband is glad to help out and take care of all of us, thankful that he knew I needed rest.
I was able to get some sleep by dozing in and out the next few hours and contemplated about going to church or not. I definitely was tired of being in bed and wanting to get out of the house, but my head still hurt pretty bad. I ended up going and was glad I did.  Then it hit me like a fierce wave in the ocean at night, anxiety! We left church and had no food in the house so we were trying to figure out where to go, I was grumpy, hungry, and frustrated. After driving around for awhile, and not being able to decide what sounded good, because when you have a headache like this, nothing sounds good. So I went through Arby's and grabbed my family lunch, nothing for me. I was too annoyed and grumpy. We came home and I came upstairs to do some work and to study.  Anxiety - yep, it's here, full force - I start teaching in a few days, no lesson plans written, classroom not all the way set up, studying for a test in 3 wks, the house hasn't been cleaned, need to go grocery shopping, plan meals for the week, etc. etc. etc. Josh came in to see what was up and I just let it out. Yep, my anxiety led me to tears, ones I often hold back but should just let them flow.  I told him everything that was bothering me and I started to feel better. It is amazing how just having someone hear what you worried about and crying (more so for girls I am sure) can bring you perspective and peace.  Josh hugged me and encouraged me, and set up a game plan to get this test passed and function with work.  Thankful for such a sweet and understanding husband, my best friend.
After pondering this anxiety, that was part of why I haven't been sleeping. As I have tossed and turned these past three nights, so many things run through my head. How am I going to keep it all together? How am I gonna pass this test? How am I going to write all of my lesson plans? I can't teach - how do I teach? How will I function with having to get up by 5 am every morning without going to bed each night at 7pm? How can I balance my family, job, and church? See a pattern here? How -How-How
Anxiety is evil and sneaky, slips in when you least expect it.  Only this time, I was able (after a tearful meltdown) to face it head on, and replace it with thankfulness.  Thankful I am able to start teaching in a few days. Thankful I have a loving and supporting family to come home to. Thankful to spend the rest of the this evening running errands with the whole family.  Thankful to be able to let go of this control and let Josh be my teammate, life is so much easier when you let others help and share the load.  Thankful that my velcro boy kept saying - one more kiss, one more hug x 20 tonight when putting him to bed.  Thankful that last night my sweet girl Hadley wanted to snuggle, something that she NEVER does now that she is 7, but we did and she fell asleep in our bed and never moved once when Josh carried her to her own bed, peaceful.  Thankful for a God who helps me face my anxiety FINALLY instead of trying to hide from it, I have such a long way to go, but I believe for the first time, I am taking the baby steps necessary to get there.  This is one of my favorite verses that I say over and over in my head:
I Peter 5:7 Cast all of your ANXIETY on Him because He cares for you.

He truly cares and He will take it all, but we have to be willing to give it to Him.
God is good!

Sweet Hadley fell asleep snuggling with her momma last night

Relaxing Day at Home..Day 12

Landry missed the memo that on Saturday's you really can sleep past 5:45!  Sweet boy was ready to begin his day despite it being pitch dark outside still and really wasn't interested in watching a movie in our bed so daddy and I could still catch some sleep.

There was a thunderstorm going on at this time and I am thankful for the peace that it brought and we were able to just lay in bed and listen and watch.  Usually fear sets in when it is still dark and we have a storm, but not this morning.  Thankful for the rain, we needed it.

I'm still feeling pretty crappy with this sinus infection, which meant I didn't sleep much last night.  However, my sweet hubby took the kiddos downstairs later on and let me sleep. So thankful for him!

The rest of the day was pretty relaxing, thankful to be at home with my family today despite feeling bad.

Hadley got a surprise call from her best friend and invited her over for the day.  I love the excitement she gets when she knows she gets to spend time with Abby.  I am thankful for the times when we just have one child at home, it makes the one on one time very special. Landry and I both took small naps this afternoon, thankful for that rest.  Thankful that Josh was able to get outside work done while the my little guy and I hung out.  It is neat watching him grow up. He'll be three in November. One of the things I am thankful for him getting older is how he likes to help. He on his own initiative started putting clothes in the washer, helped his sister put dishes away, he's turning into a little man.

Thankful for Saturdays at home, thankful for my family.

Landry enjoying an Oreo cookie and only eating the cream inside

                                       

Day 11 - Thankful for big hugs, kisses, and yes even melt downs and tantrums :)

We made it to Friday, whoo hoo! All of us are wiped, mommy guilt of not being able to take Hadley to and from the bus stop and my little guy is in pre-school for a very long time, has set in.  It has been an adjustment for all of us since we've been used to me being at home most of the day; taking care of things.  We are all so grateful that I am teaching and will just take some time to adjust.
It was another fun day working at school today.  We had a few meetings, some training, and most of the day to work in our rooms! It has been so fun getting it all put together, very thankful for this job!
I am very thankful that I am starting to feel better and that I was able to sleep nearly 10hrs last night!  My husband is like I always say, a rock star! If he wasn't willing to change his work hours and fill in on helping with dinner, kids, etc., I wouldn't be able to do this! Seriously, he's awesome, he let me go to bed at 7pm last night since I was sick!!!
We decided that Friday nights will be our "family" night, meaning, I won't do any work, he won't do any work, and we'll just hang out.  Tonight we had a picnic in this cool area called the College Green at OU. It has amazing trees, and brick pathways throughout the grass.  It was so fun watching our kids and our puppy run and laugh, simply having a good time!  We found out however, that we can not keep the kids, mainly Landry out past 7:30 during the week.  We decided to get some ice cream and that was around 8pm, from literally then on until he went to bed, he screamed, cried, yelled, you name it, he did it. Despite the tantrums and meltdowns, I still had a wonderful evening with my family. Having his meltdowns meant that he had a great day at pre-school and I am thankful he is going there and thankful he enjoys it.  I am thankful that the teacher told me how much she just loves Landry and that she'd miss him over this holiday weekend. Thankful.
Thankful that when my sweet Hadley has melt downs and I think she is starting the "pre-teen" not liking her momma already; that like tonight; she told me many times how thankful she is that I'm her momma. Thankful.
Looking forward to this 3 day weekend with my family, hoping to relax, do some housework, work on lesson plans, and celebrating Josh's grandpa "Pappaw" 76th birthday as well!
God is good!

Happy kiddos enjoying a picnic

Hadley making her little brother laugh

Beautiful Hadley

Melt my heart, Landry grabbed Hadley's hand and said; "Come, Hadley"

Day 10....Many Thanks...

It is 7pm, and I am already in bed. Yep, I am sick with a lovely sinus infection on my first day of work.   I get these often and they really do knock me down, but the excitement of my first day as a teacher was able to triumph how horrible I felt.
My thankfulness for today!
1. I am a "real" teacher!! Yahoo! I am no longer a substitute in a room longing for it to be my own, I actually have a real classroom!! Today was just an orientation day but it was still awesome!
2. There is a nurse practitioner at our school! How awesome is that! I was her first patient of the school year and hopefully these meds will kick in soon and I'll start feeling better!  Thankful that our school has a wellness center!
3. Thankful that with the new early schedule of getting kids to school, etc and out the door by 7am was a great success today!
4. Very grateful for the awesome smell of dinner simmering in my crock pot when I came home, sometimes it's just the little things in life!

No pictures today...maybe tomorrow!  As always, God is good!

Inspite of feeling crappy...Day 9 of Thanksgiving

Despite feeling crappy from allergies/sinus sickness, today has been a great day!
Tomorrow is my first "official" day as a teacher and I am ELATED!!!
Here are the things I am thankful for today:

1. I took a much needed nap today! Those are rare and usually like today I only took one because I am sick.
2. Landry was ACCIDENT FREE all day! Hallelujah!!!
3. Both children in bed by 8pm!!! Whoo hoo! Poor Landry is a hot mess when he comes home from pre-school and he literally cried/whined from the time he was picked up until his heavy little eyes closed.  Tomorrow starts our first day of daddy taking kids to school by 7am and mommy leaving for work by 7am! This also means, there is a bit of time for me and Josh to do what we need to do, which tonight is Josh getting caught up on work and I am going to bed to fight off this allergy stuff.
4.  We have an awesome car mechanic who has now fixed our a/c for FREE twice now. Seriously very very grateful!!

As I have been closing most blogs, I cant help but write it again because it is SO true, God is good!

My sweet boy who was not happy about me taking his picture when we got home from pre-school and frankly not happy about anything, even though he just had a donut for being accident free all day.

Thankful day 8

This will be short, fall allergies have kicked in, exhausted from adjusting to going back to work full time, juggling kiddos, and waking up to my little man while it's still dark out.  However, despite not feeling great and tired, I am thankful that I have been working in my classroom in getting it set up for the 4th graders that I will be meeting next week, and able to start my "dream" job!!

I am also thankful for God's peace and direction. Last night I thought his pre-school days were probably coming to an end, so after meeting a child care provider this morning so that we could have a back up, I was dreading my conversation with the director at his pre-school.  However, to my surprise which it really shouldn't be because God always provides and takes care of us, but yet I continue to doubt, the director (who by the way is an extremely awesome lady and am so thankful that I met her when Hadley attended school there, she is great) and I had a good talk about our future plans for Landry and that we both agree that we want him to stay at this school and that he's so young and just needs time to adjust.  So after talking through some things to help him with his potty training, she is going to give him until the end of September to see if he adjusts and can go without any accidents!  I am thankful for this, an answered to prayer for now.  Now we work with Landry and if you'd like to add him/us to your prayer list that would be fan-tab-u-lous, in that he will adjust, he will "get" the potty thing, and be able to stay at this awesome pre-school.

No pictures today, I left my house at 8:15 am and got home around 8:40 pm.  Thankful for this day of work and for the group of friends that we study the Bible with every week. God is good!

Day 7...Thankfulness

This will be a short one, been a crazy/stressful night, but still thankful.  Despite my sweet little guy having multiple accidents today, he was saying mini sentences to me tonight. Landry has been in speech therapy for the past year due to all of his ear problems/sickness, he started talking later than normal. So for him to say his mini sentences tonight, was music to my ears. :)  I am also thankful that despite the "unknown" if Landry can stay at his current pre-school since he's having so many accidents, some other options came up tonight, so God is good.  Even though tonight was a bit chaotic, and I had my "moments" of about ready to pull my hair out, I still had this sense of calmness over me and the reassurance that God has this.

Thankful for my kiddos, my hubby, and my nice comfortable bed that I am about to fall asleep in.

Landry and Myrtle running and laughing in the yard tonight

Sweet Hadley before school today