Day 18...Just As The Title of My Blog Says...Finding Joy in the Mess of Life

When I started writing again a few weeks ago, I assumed my daily thankfulness would flow freely as it did before.  However, as you can see there have been days I didn't write, it hasn't flowed freely.  In the mess of my life right now, I am some days struggling to find joy.  Sure I can write the same things I am thankful for every day such as, my health, food to eat, my kids, my job, etc; but I want to find things that I really have to stop and think about so that I really appreciate them; things that I take for granted every day.  Just in the past few months there have been some heavy life altering events that have taken place and I often feel as if I am at my end and can't handle it anymore. I shut down, I withdraw, I cry, I get mad, and I just want to sleep and hope that when I wake up, that feeling of loneliness will have all slipped away.  Sadly, if I do sleep and wake up that weight bearing down on my chest and heart is still there.  Have there been some good things happen to me in the past few months? Sure, there have been absolutely amazing things that have happened and I am incredibly thankful for them, but it doesn't remove certain hurts that are still here.  I will say that I am thankful for what God is teaching me through this mess in my life. I was listening to one of the Christian stations on my way to work yesterday and they were talking about the word Grace - something that is undeserved and given to us by God because He loves us that much.  It is not something we can earn by doing "good" things. God has taught me a lot about grace over the course of my life, but even more so these past few months.  Hearing that grace is an "undeserved gift" from God because He loves us so much really hit me yesterday and brought comfort and peace.  This is something that I am extremely thankful for and take for granted on a daily basis. I don't deserve any of the gifts I receive each day, I don't deserve God's forgiveness for all of the crap I have done, but His grace is sufficient and He gives it to me every single day.  So today while I am feeling more of the "mess" in my life more than I do "joy", I am trying to cling on His grace to get me through and to really find JOY daily in the mess of my life.

2 Corinthians 12:9 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power ismade perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.