Day 22...Something Peaceful about Water

I have always loved being outside by trees and water because there is just something peaceful about it.  This afternoon after a long day at school, I had the pleasure of sitting by one of the lakes here in Athens.  This lake is beautiful and surrounded by trees.  As I sat down in the grass and just stared off watching kids play in the water, dogs swimming, people sunbathing, and an older lady sitting in her chair off by herself reading a book, I couldn't help but just smile.  Perhaps water brings out the joy, laughter, and a sense of calmness in people.  I could have sat there all evening, just watching people, and staring out into the water.  I am thankful that water is one of many beautiful creations by God. I am thankful for the peace that it brings me.  God is good!

Day 21...Brighter Day

Today was a much brighter day! I can honestly say that I have felt God's peace from the moment I woke up and all throughout my day. He reminded me again that if I completely surrender to Him utterly and completely broken, He will begin to restore me.  I am thankful that He reminds me that I am loved by Him. Today I am thankful for my precious kids and their sweet spirits. I am thankful for my new class of fourth graders, so many of them who need loved. Thankful for a brighter day.

My sweet boy, so tired, he couldn't even finish his sucker.

Day 20...Dealing With It and Overcoming It

These past few days, wow - complete emotional basket case. I guess one can say if you are really letting yourself grieve losses in your life, you are dealing with it. If that is true, then all the tears I have cried actually can maybe be a positive thing? One major negative thing that I am trying to overcome is my insecurities and lack of self worth. It truly is a big black hole that holds me down, keeps my relationships at a distance,and dictates my life.  I am tired. However, I know that I can no longer let what others say or think of me dictate how I feel about myself.  In the end, it is how God views me that really matters and guess what - God has and always will love me unconditionally.  He created me and He forgives me.  I was reminded of this tonight and reminded that I matter, I am loved, and that I am worth it.  Sometimes it takes me coming literally to my knees, completely and utterly heart broken to break down those walls that I put up and let others in to see the real, raw me.  I am thankful that I have a God who loves me even when I am messed up and broken and people in my life who love me no matter what, who is there to cheer me on, and tell me that I am worth it and that I matter.
I saw the most beautiful sunrise on my way to work today, I believe it was God's way of telling me that His mercies are new every morning and He is right there with me - always.

Day 19...Picking Up the Pieces

Today I am thankful for the people in my life right now who are helping me pick up the pieces that have been broken in my life.  While those maybe few, I know the ones who are, are 100% there for me, loving me, being honest with me, supporting, and helping me no matter what.  I couldn't have made it without the support of people both here and far away.  I am also thankful for the way God can use crappy situations to strengthen relationships with family and friends.  Thankful for putting the pieces back together and the love and support I have from others to help me do it.  God is good.

Day 18...Just As The Title of My Blog Says...Finding Joy in the Mess of Life

When I started writing again a few weeks ago, I assumed my daily thankfulness would flow freely as it did before.  However, as you can see there have been days I didn't write, it hasn't flowed freely.  In the mess of my life right now, I am some days struggling to find joy.  Sure I can write the same things I am thankful for every day such as, my health, food to eat, my kids, my job, etc; but I want to find things that I really have to stop and think about so that I really appreciate them; things that I take for granted every day.  Just in the past few months there have been some heavy life altering events that have taken place and I often feel as if I am at my end and can't handle it anymore. I shut down, I withdraw, I cry, I get mad, and I just want to sleep and hope that when I wake up, that feeling of loneliness will have all slipped away.  Sadly, if I do sleep and wake up that weight bearing down on my chest and heart is still there.  Have there been some good things happen to me in the past few months? Sure, there have been absolutely amazing things that have happened and I am incredibly thankful for them, but it doesn't remove certain hurts that are still here.  I will say that I am thankful for what God is teaching me through this mess in my life. I was listening to one of the Christian stations on my way to work yesterday and they were talking about the word Grace - something that is undeserved and given to us by God because He loves us that much.  It is not something we can earn by doing "good" things. God has taught me a lot about grace over the course of my life, but even more so these past few months.  Hearing that grace is an "undeserved gift" from God because He loves us so much really hit me yesterday and brought comfort and peace.  This is something that I am extremely thankful for and take for granted on a daily basis. I don't deserve any of the gifts I receive each day, I don't deserve God's forgiveness for all of the crap I have done, but His grace is sufficient and He gives it to me every single day.  So today while I am feeling more of the "mess" in my life more than I do "joy", I am trying to cling on His grace to get me through and to really find JOY daily in the mess of my life.

2 Corinthians 12:9 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power ismade perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Day 17...Thankfulness

What I am thankful for today:
1. Feeling better.
2. Getting out to do a little back to school shopping and dinner with new friends.
3. Laughter - good for the soul.
4. Sleeping in.

Day 16...Recovering

It has been a long week since my surgery. I have realized that I am not a very good patient that likes to just lay around and not do anything. I have cabin fever and am so ready to feel "normal" again.  I haven't written all week because I just haven't felt in the right state of mind to write.  One of the bad things about having to stay inside and on bed rest is that you have so much time to think.  While it can be good to think, it can also be bad.  My thoughts of doubt, fear, anxiety, and stress slip back in and start to control my mind.  This in turn effects my emotional and mental state and it can be a downward spiral.  I am thankful for my friends who have checked on me, brought food, took care of my laundry, and drove me to my appointments.  My friends are glimpses of God showing me that He is still in control and taking care of me.