Twinkle Twinkle Little Star...Day 182

As I was walking our puppy tonight I happened to look up at they sky. And it was beautiful! The stars were so clear and the stars were twinkling.  It has been awhile since I've been outside long enough to notice the sky and the stars.  God's creation is something magnificent.  I'm thankful we can enjoy it!

Thankful Tomorrow is Friday...Day 181

This has been a long week.  Exhaustion has taken over and I am so thankful for some rest this weekend.  Thankful for this wonderful warm sunny weather we had today! Thankful for sleep, much needed sleep!

Sometimes You Just Have to Say Forget the Laundry and Get Down on the Floor - Day 180

One of the things I need to be better at is forgetting about the housework and get on the floor and play. We sort of have a routine when we are home at night that after dinner, Josh plays with the kids while I clean up, pack lunches, do the laundry, and get ready for the next day.  Tonight Josh had to go back to work and I was folding laundry, little man came in looking for daddy and was so sad that I decided that the laundry could wait.  My little man needed me to play and I wanted to play. I told him mommy would come play and his big crocodile tears turned into pure joy, his face it up!  "Yay, mommy come play with me - come mommy!" He held out his hand to take me into the playroom. We played with our puppy, we pretended to sleep and wake up, we tickled, we sang, and most of all we laughed! That was so much more fun then folding laundry. :)  Thankful for my little guy. Thankful for the reminder that you just have to say forget it and get down on the floor with your kids.

Day 179...Thankful for Bedtime

Today was one of those days where bedtime for my precious kiddos couldn't come soon enough. This may seem harsh to some, but really, it's not. I think for both parents sanity and the well being of our children in needing much needed rest, an early bedtime is a necessity. I was exhausted already from today and the craziness of my kiddos running around, playing, screaming, fighting, laughing, you name it, they were doing it. :) I am thankful for their energy, but sometimes they just need sleep. I am thankful for some down time after the kids went to bed.  Thankful to get some sleep.

Our Family Valentine's Dinner..Day 178 of Thankfulness

In the past since I stayed home with my kiddos, on Valentine's Day I would make them heart shaped chocolate chip pancakes for their breakfast.  Now that I leave for work at 6:15 and Valentine's was on a weekday, we made it into a dinner, which is a few days late due to our crazy schedules.  I had set the table, lit candles, excited to have a nice meal, but then of course just because you have something planned, doesn't mean your kids will follow suit.  One kid was sent to their room, the other took the silverware that I had set the table with and begin using them as drum sticks, etc. you know the drill, it was anything but the "quiet" family candlelight dinner. :)  I didn't let it ruin our evening, in fact, Josh and I just sord of laughed and proceeded.  Our dinner ended up being nice, fun, and some what relaxing.  I am thankful we had this night and thankful we started a new tradition as a family.  Another new tradition we started was that instead of giving each other a little valentine gift, we chose an act of kindness that we will do for each family member, even the dogs per request of Hadley. :)
I loved to hear Hadley's thinking and why she chose her acts of kindess for each member, in fact, they are pretty tough ones for a 7 yr. old to accomplish.  I am proud of her.  Thankful for making tonight a special memory.

No she isn't drinking wine, cherry juice in a wine glass :)

Landry taking it all in while scarfing down his new homemade dairy free blueberry pancakes!

Day 177..Thankful That He Isn't Uncomfortable With My Mess, My Doubt, My Fear, and My Anxiety

It seems as if the sermons at our church have been written and spoken directly at me lately.  The new series is Doubt, something that I never felt like I struggled with until recently.  Growing up there was a "stigma" that if you struggled with doubting God, who He was, who He is, then you were looked down upon as if you weren't a true believer.  Having doubts about what God is doing in your life, why He isn't answering "your" prayers, why it seems He is letting you drown in your fears, etc. is a scary place to be.  I think mostly because of that lie that you really aren't a believer or that something is wrong with you if you doubt.  That little voice telling you that you have just got to believe, how dare you question who God is or what He is doing. Lately, I have been believing that lie.  I have been doubting what the heck God is up to with this stupid test I need to pass, after many attempts, hours, days, and months of studying.  The stress it has placed on me, making me physically ill, the toll on my family; why would God not help me pass it?  What I hear today, a bible story I have heard time and time again, Peter. (Matthew 14) Peter doubted Jesus when he walked on water, he took a few steps toward Jesus, then became afraid, started to sink, and he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus did.
I am a lot like Peter, take a few steps, trust in God, especially when things are going "well" but when life gets tough, like this test, I doubt, I sink, and I let fear and anxiety take over.  What I should be doing is calling out, "Lord, save me."  However, that isn't all. I have cried that out many times, expecting a quick answer, a big neon sign, God doesn't always work that way and there is a reason.  I may not know why, but God does. A few things I heard today have really resonated in my heart and mind.
God is not uncomfortable with my mess, my fears, my anxiety.
He is not going to let me drown in it.
Sometimes He lets us be in it for a long time - I'll come out stronger in the end.
God gives me everything I need to trust Him, but not more than I need.
I need to stay in conversation with Him, during the mess, during the doubt.  I need to pray more and wait longer.
God can do amazing things with my doubt.

Wow - a lot of stuff to comprehend.  I am so glad I heard these words today.  I am so glad that despite me being uncomfortable with my mess, my doubt, my fears, and my anxiety, He is not.  He has it under control, He knows why I am struggling.  I need to keep seeking, keep trusting, keep praying.

We ended with an awesome song today at church - Where Feet May Fail
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neZkRT35J40
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Day 177..Retail Therapy and A Snow Moon

Today was a long mentally exhausting day.  I, however, am thankful that my long day ended in Columbus where there is endless shopping and great food.  I am thankful for those few hours of retail therapy, meandering through my favorite store; Target, all by myself, no schedule, just me and some left over gift cards from Christmas!  I am thankful for awesome food, eating in my car, listening to my music, no interruptions.  Thankful for grocery shopping at Trader Joes, looking at all the food, feeling joyful to be looking for dairy free food for Landry.  That may sound weird, but I am joyful about that because since taking him off dairy nearly 2 wks ago, he is sounding and feeling much better! Whoo hoo!!  The view on my drive home was absolutely beautiful. Now that there are several inches of white snow on the ground, and tonight was a "Snow" Moon as the Columbus meteorologists called it, the drive was stunning.   There is a new highway that was built in the middle of a national forest from here to Columbus, so with this snow and the moon it almost seemed like it was daylight.  If I weren't driving and had my better camera, I would have loved to have captured the beautification of this night.  Driving, listening to my music, the scenery; provided such a peace and gratefulness for all that God has blessed me with.