Thankful for a Supporting Husband..Day 56

On days like today I am incredibly thankful for my supporting and sweet husband.  I am so blessed to come home to him every single day.  I am thankful that no matter what,he is there for me, to support me, and that we are as he always says, "in this together."  God is good!

Hearing God-It's About Him and Not About Me...Day 55

When I hear a sermon most times there is at least a part of the sermon that I feel speaks to me; usually.  Today I think  know the whole entire sermon was speaking to me.  Ironically, the title of the new sermon series at church is Hearing God.  It has been a very frustrating weekend for me as I have yet again not passed a certain test.  I have taken it many times, have studied, and studied, and studied for months trying to get this thing passed.  This last time I fervently prayed for God's wisdom, peace, and strength to pass this test.  As I have waited for the results the past few weeks, every time I felt anxious and would worry I would pray and ask for His peace.  I won't lie, I was hoping and almost believing that since I prayed so much and was trusting God more with my anxiousness that I would no doubt pass this test.  That wasn't the case.  I was and am devastated.  It ruined my Friday night and most of my day Saturday as the thoughts of "Why can't I pass this?  I feel like such a failure! God, why didn't you allow me to pass?  What will happen since I didn't pass?" The stress has consumed much of my life, stealing my joy, robbing me of making and enjoying memories with my family.  It went as far as me questioning why we pray so hard sometimes if we don't understand the outcome.  I have shed more tears then I can count over this one stupid test.  My husband and close friends have told me over and over that this test doesn't define who I am, it doesn't mean I am stupid or that I am a failure.  I didn't believe them.  I didn't believe those statements until I heard Paul's sermon today.  I took notes on my phone throughout the sermon and rather then me retyping, I am posting the snapshots of what I typed out.

The second snap shot is what really hit home with me.  Why do I want to hear God?  It is to accomplish HIS purpose.  It is NOT guidance to OUR benefit.  Wow! Yeah, so passing this test was solely to my benefit. I didn't ask or listen to God to hear what He wanted to accomplish for His kingdom.  I still don't understand why I didn't pass, I may never understand.  I am simply to listen to God speak and listen to what He wants, how He wants, and why He wants to bring God's kingdom here, to conform us to His image and purpose, not mine.  At the end of the sermon and you can see I typed it; we are to choose a scripture to recite over and over this week and to hear this week in the midst of our busy life and really, really listen to God and hear Him speak.  The verse I chose is; which happens to be the one of the verses Paul shared this morning.

James 1:19

My dear friends, you should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

I've heard and read this many times, but didn't really obey what this actually says.  I very much like to be in control of everything (just ask my sweet hubby), so when I want to be in control that doesn't allow me to sometimes be quick to listen.  I have my own agenda such as this one, and when it didn't go my way, I became very angry.  After hearing today's sermon, I could take a deep breath and allow God's peace to fill my heart and soul again.  I decided I wasn't going to allow this test to steal my joy, rob me of enjoying my time with my family, and most definitely not allow myself to not worship God and still be thankful and joyful for who He is and what His plan and purpose is for me.  This week (and hopefully months and years to come) I am going to listen to Him speak, not to fulfill my purpose or to answer what I have planned, but to listen to what He has planned for me and His purpose.  I am incredibly thankful for Paul and the words he spoke that God laid on his heart to share.  I am thankful that God still loves me and forgives me for when I start to take charge of my life and become angry when things don't go my way.  He is still oh, so good, even when things get tough!

Sweet Notes...Day 54

This made my day after a rough few days..Love my girl
Thankful for sweet notes found on my pillow and a homemade necklace!

Day 53

Thankfulness for today:

My son running to me and giving me a bug hug and kiss, and kept doing this all evening

The joy on my daughters face when I dropped her off at a birthday party and all the girls ran up to her yelling her name when she got out of the car

Day 52..Anxiousness...Taking Deep Breaths and Telling God Out Loud that He Has This

This week has been long and full of a lot of anxiousness and worry, and some peace.  I am awaiting my test results for tomorrow and trying to find child care for my son.  It depends on what time of day as to whether I am handing all of this over to God or I am trying to control the situations.  I haven't been sleeping at all, when I do drift off, I find myself dreaming about this test or dreaming about where Landry will end up.  This morning on my drive to work, I started feeling anxious, the tightening in my chest, and that sick feeling in my stomach.  I turned down the radio and I took 4 deep breaths and I said out loud, "God I have got to hand these things over to you, I can't worry, You have it figured out. I give you my test. I give you my son, Landry."  There is something about saying it out loud rather then just praying in my head.  I had read a recent post from Ann Voscamp, that author of 1,000 Gifts, that said:

Today -- deep breath -- the James 1 Plan:

1. ask God for wisdom
2. believe God without doubt
3. thank God no matter what

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, 
who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 
But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt." James 1:5-6

This inspired me to do just that today.  
 I could feel peace fill my soul, but yet again throughout the day, I'd let it creap back in.  I am thankful for God's peace.  I am thankful when I say those prayers out loud, He hears them.  I am still not good at completely giving everything to Him and letting Him keep it.  I trust for a bit, then take it back.  I know the more I do this, the more I will be able to let go more and more.  I am thankful that He is patient with me and loves me no matter what.
Tonight..I say those words out loud again and take deep breaths. God you got this, I give you my test, I give you my son.  I give you my anxiousness and worry.
God is good!

Snuggles...Nothing Like Them From My Children..Day 51

If I could wish one thing, it would be that my children would never be too old to sit on my lap and snuggle. Landry was having a rough evening, very tired but didn't want to actually go to sleep.  We were doing our nightly routine and nothing would satisfy him, which left him in tears.  So I asked him if he wanted me to hold him and he said in the most pitiful but sweet voice, "Yeah please."  So I picked up his 40 lb body and stood and rocked him singing Jesus Loves Me.  It is like his head still after being almost 3 fits perfectly in the crook of my neck.  I am so thankful Landry wanted to snuggle, hug and kiss me, it is priceless.  I literally had been going non-stop since 5am and it was then 8pm, so when I was holding him and moved to the rocking chair, it allowed me to stop, sit, and breathe for the first time all day.  I am so thankful for that time.  I am thankful that I have babies to hold, sing to, and rock.
I am thankful that when Hadley came home from small group at church, that she just wanted to lay next to me and talk about our day, her excitement for an upcoming birthday party and that she just simply missed me and wanted to be next to me.  I am one joyful momma tonight! God is good all the time!

10 Days Until My Goal is Reached...Day 50 of Thankfulness

Hard to believe I began this journy of being thankful and finding joy just fifty days ago! I am just ten days from my initial goal.  I have decided to keep going, to make this a life long goal.  I have said it before, this has been life changing.
I am thankful for the following today:
1. My sweet Landry boy running to me and sitting on  my lap after dinner just hugging me; he knew just what I needed tonight.
2. My awesome co-workers; Missy and Shelly. I seriously could not have asked for two better teachers to teach with.
3.  My wonderful husband who knew I wasn't up to dealing with dinner took the initiative and made us dinner tonight!
4. I am in my bed before 9pm!
5. My precious daughter coming  to tell me goodnight one more time like last night, melts my heart.
6. My family still loves me even when I'm having a bad day and can be grumpy.
7. That God is still and always will be good!