. However, after doing a lot of soul searching after she passed away, I have an understanding of why she hated the holidays so much. If I had to endure the heartache caused by her disease of depression, I would hate the holidays as well. I really do not think time heals, which I have mentioned before in my blogs about her, but it is very true. I have found myself here lately thinking of her a lot more, wishing she was still here, wishing I could change things, but of course I can't. In my soul searching I have begun to realize she taught me more then I realized, even more so after her death. I am thankful that during spurts of growing up, she did teach me about fashion and shopping, she absolutely loved to shop, wear her make up, and have her hair all teased and sprayed with Rave hairspray! She taught me a little bit about boys and dating.
After she passed away, I have really learned a lot about what she struggled with from day to day, which I believe has helped heal some hurts. I have learned that no matter what, no matter how small or big that we should cry out to God for help, my mom did that on a daily basis. I am thankful for that lesson. I am thankful for her just because she was my mom, and I miss her. I am missing her a lot here lately. I am missing her because I wish I could ask her for advice on parenting, I wish I could have her to go shopping with, I am wishing I could've called her and asked her to come help me get ready for my son's 3rd birthday a few weeks ago. I wish I could be baking christmas cookies and watching christmas movies with her. I am missing my mom, but am thankful for her, and what she taught me.
My mom's 50th birthday with Hadley June 2008
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