Saturday, September 24, 2016

Shine

I notice that I have a pattern of not writing for months and then all of a sudden I feel this nudge to write again. I let the busyness of life keep me from doing things I love, one of which is writing.
This weekend I had the most amazing and life changing experience. Shine - a retreat for women to experience the power of prayer, healing, and to shine. It wasn't your normal retreat. This was a small group of 10 women and it dealt with very deep and raw emotions and hurt that we have faced. We were made aware of who God wants us to be and what He wants to be healed from.
Instead of sharing about this experience through words, I took pictures throughout the weekend. I am so thankful for this awesome place and for the great leaders who lead this group.
 Love that this is on a horse farm - therapeutic.
 Abby and Tango -
 The  most lovable horse - seriously awesome.

 God gave us such a beautiful day.

 Serenity

 Abby - she literally would just lay her head on me as if she were hugging me. It was incredible.
My view while singing. 
There is something about water and nature that can really help me connect to God and what He is trying to tell me.


Getting our craftiness on.

My story board - In the corner are the lies that we believe about ourselves. The rest of the board are pictures, words that God wants us to believe about ourselves. Each of ours were so unique and told our story. I painted a cross over the lies to remind me that Jesus died for all of those lies that Satan likes to throw in our faces.

We were to paint/draw on our flower pot something that God is wanting us to grow in. The spiritual meaning of my name is - Cherished. He is beginning to teach me that I need to believe that I am cherished by Him.


Making time to do the things I love - nature and photography.


Sunset - no other words needed

Ended the night with pizza and a campfire

We were given rocks as a reminder of what Truth we need to repeat and say anytime we start believing lies about ourselves. These are the words that came to mind in red - after praying with one of our awesome leaders - she revealed to me that what God is trying to reveal is that I need to believe I am Accepted by Him - no matter what.  So I added ACCEPTED in blue.

What the front of our rocks say. Pray. Heal.Shine


Journaling




Excited to begin a new journey of truly dealing with deep issues that God is revealing and to start living in His truths and becoming the person He has created me to be. 
What I believe about myself - REJECTED
What God wants me to believe about myself - ACCEPTED 


Sunday, April 17, 2016

Being Real and Answering Those Questions That All Have Been Wondering

It has been about a year and a half since I wrote on my blog. Writing is something I love doing, it clears my mind, helps me hone in on what is going on in my life, and it just can help heal my heart, mind, and soul.  I really don't know why I haven't written in so long, I was writing to share what I was thankful for each day which was a life changing thing for me. It helped me to always look for the positive in each and every day. When I stopped, I could definitely tell a huge difference in my way of thinking and the way I viewed life.  I suppose I let the busyness of life get in the way and also just forgetting to remember there is still a "me" and doing something I love.
A lot has happened in the past year and a half. I have moved back to my hometown, changed jobs, got remarried, and of course a lot of just the normal every day life circumstances.  I have decided to write again because of a few life altering changes that have occurred in the past few months.  Many people have been asking what is going on due to observations of course not only on social media, but just in every day interactions.  I haven't said a lot to many people because for one, I am not that person who posts every single life event on social media or talk about it with just anyone in person, text, or whatever.  But unfortunately, there does come a time when I have to face it and tell people.  Rather than having to explain to many people over and over and to save myself from getting emotional every single time, I decided to write this blog.  I have been contemplating for a while on when the appropriate time would be and well, today, I felt it was time.
First off, one major life altering change has been my marriage. We have been separated for a few months and yes, that will be over soon. As for anyone that knows me, will know I will never share details on private matters in my life, so I am just leaving it at that. Those who are my family and close friends know what has happened and have been an incredible support for me.
Many have and will start to think and say that what in the world is wrong with her? It's her second divorce, it hasn't been that long, etc. etc. I have heard it and will continue to hear that, but until anyone walks a minute in someone else's shoes or live in someones house, you have no right to question or judge. My real friends and family who know me, know that I am a person who fights hard and doesn't give up on the important things. So I hang on to those people who choose to love me no matter what.  There are just some things in life that are beyond our control.
So, with that being said, it's been a rough time. Thankful that I have my job that I absolutely love and enjoy going to every day. I am thankful that a co-worker and friend asked me to coach softball at the school I teach at, which has kept me busy and distracted.  I am working on healing and finding that peace and grace that only God can bring me. I know in the midst of pain, God will always love me, always be there, and will use this for something greater.  It's a daily struggle to remember this promise. With all of this comes a lot of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and worrying about what others think of me.  I am trying to choose every day to not let those thoughts consume me and steal my joy.
With that being said, on top of dealing with this, some new things have been discovered for my sweet loving son, Landry.  If you have followed my blog at all, you know that he has had more than his share of medical issues. He has many allergies that make life interesting, speech delays, and now that he has been in school, there have been more things we have seen.  Landry just finished up multiple days of testing at the Autism Center at Children's Hospital in Columbus.  His dad and I just had a very long 2 hours of meeting with the doctor to go over his results and they left us feeling pretty overwhelmed.  His diagnosis to put it in simple terms, is that he has a form of autism with some other disorders regarding behavior and impulses.  Now I know when people hear the word autism, so many people think of so many different things. But, autism is a HUGE HUGE spectrum. For Landry, what effects him are his speech delays (which he has come so far; super proud of him); cognitively - he is 5 1/2 but is not where he should be, and his behavior. He struggles socially in that he has a hard time communicating like his peers do. He is super super friendly, doesn't meet a stranger, and loves people. One of the most awesome qualities about him is his smile - love it. So without going into all the long details, he has a long road ahead of him with therapy both in school and privately, and some challenges we have to work out when he does go to kindergarten this next year.  As a teacher, I teach students on the autism spectrum daily, but as a parent, it is all so very different.  Sitting in that chair listening to all the results were hard to swallow and it just crushes you. You start wondering if it is something you did, or "Oh my gosh, I have disciplining him all wrong, etc."  Then the big question, "Will he get to where he needs to be so he can be like his peers?" That answer - Absolutely! Landry is a fighter and very strong willed, so I know he will.  I still haven't processed everything and it will be frustrating to get every thing in place but we will get there. Landry is still the same sweet, loving, bright eyed huge smile little guy as he always was. I refuse to label him as the child who is autistic.  He is my son, he is unique just as every single child is, and he will do great things as he continues to grow up.
I believe this is enough for one blog. I know some will read this and perhaps be upset that you have found out these things through here, but that is honestly because I don't go around sharing personal things and/or I am fearful of what you/others will think of me. I will continue to work on healing and surrounding myself with others who love and support me through this messed up life that quite frankly each and every one of us lives. If we didn't, we wouldn't need God - He who gives us the strength, forgiveness, peace, and grace to make us who He wants us to be.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4;6-7

 These two bring me absolute joy!
This captures his personality so well!



Friday, September 5, 2014

Day 30 - Family Time

Incredibly thankful for spending time with my family! Thankful for lots of laughter, good food, and amazing company! Laughter and family is good for the soul!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Day 29- My List

This will just be a quick list as I am utterly exhausted and ready for bed!
I'm thankful today for:
1. Landry hugging and kissing me repeatedly tonight .
2. Listening to Hadley sing at her first choir practice at OU.
3. Watching Landry sleep in the car.
4. Seeing my daughter smile!
5. Talking to my dad and grandparents!
6. Having a best friend who truly cares about me.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Day 28- My Brother


If you asked me when I was a kid if I am glad that I have a brother my answer would have been the typical sibling answer, "No way!" However, ask me today and my answer is, " I do not know what I'd do without him!" Today he had my back and supported me on one of the most stressful and hard days that I've had.  He drove almost three hours one way, took off work, and time away from his family just to be there for me.  I am so thankful for him. I am thankful that he takes that "protective" brother role. I am thankful that he uses humor to make people feel better, that he is "real", and has a kind and loving heart.  You rock Zechariah!
One of my favorite pics with my bro when he graduated from Boot Camp a few years ago!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Day 27- Focusing on The Good

There are many great blessings going on in my life. Despite the crap going on right now, I tend to let that consume me and which in turn effects everything and everyone else in my life. So tonight I will focus on the good; there are a lot of those.
1. Thankful that I am spending more time with my family - it's true what people say, when things are tough, your family has always got your back. This summer I have spent more time with my dad, step mom, grandparents, and my brother and sister n law then I have in a long time. So so thankful for them.
2. My kids- they really are great kids. I don't like to be "that parent" who brags but tonight I will say this, I think that Hadley is such a strong and independent young lady who has a very loving and giving heart. I can't wait to see what God has in store for her.   Landry- what a sweetheart who doesn't know a stranger. His big cheeky grin still can light up a room. Love love his deposition and loving heart.
3. Friends - Finding ones who stick beside you through thick and thin,  honest with you but still love you no matter what, are hard to find. Thankful for the ones I have.
4. My job - love being a teacher, incredibly thankful
5. My God- He has never left me despite my screw ups. 


Monday, September 1, 2014

Day 26- Thankful

Today was a great day spent with my kids by the pool. I am thankful for this "last day of summer" and that Fall is near! Thankful for God sending people in my life when I need them and for Him providing my every need through the help of others. Thankful for friends and family I can rely on. God is good!