It's been a while..Part 2

Apparently, I may have typed the first one too long as it wouldnt let me type anymore.  So I will continue on a new post.
The last thing I wrote was that I am sure some think that I may not be a "true" Christian if I haven't read my Bible or really prayed for nearly 6 months!!! Well, you all can think what you want, I know that is not the case.  I am not at all saying, it is "okay" to do that, but I do know many great women and men of God in the Bible who had their struggles with faith and God, remember Peter for instance? The dude who denied Jesus not 1, 2, but 3 times..yeah, and he ended up being a man that told thousands of people about the love of Jesus!
I have just been in a place of being numb when it comes to God.  It is a scary place to be, and I don't like it.  It seemed no matter where, whether at church with a room full of familiar people singing songs, which I most love to do, or hearing a sermon, praying with people, I felt so alone, sad, and that  I didn't belong.  Perhaps this is all part of the grieving process, I do not know, but I hope that starts to change soon. I have recently joined an online accountability group called hellomornings.  I tried this last winter, but failed when my mom passed. It is basically a group of ladies that sign up with an online group and we communicate through twitter, email, facebook, and we keep each other accountable each morning.  This neat group is set up to encourage us to get up for our kids by reading the Bible, praying, and exercising everyday.  I am excited to say I have been 4 for 4 this week, I know that may not seem like a lot, but trust me, with our schedule going from sleeping in later, and no schedule to getting up at 6am, getting my daughter up for school, and myself to school as I started student teaching, I am proud of myself.
Even though it's only been 4 days, I feel a little better just beginning to read a little again and talking to God even if it's just short and simple.
Losing a parent is awful, everyday I think about my mom and just the thought of knowing that I can never pick up the phone to call or go see her in person, just literally sends a physical ache in my heart that I believe will never go away.  I wish I could talk to her one last time, I wish I could hear her voice again. I struggle with why God let this happen, why 2 yrs ago she told my brother and I she didn't want us in her life anymore , why she died alone on her couch, why she had something go wrong wtih her heart, why she died at a young age, and why she never got to really know me, my daughter or even meet my son...it's a struggle I wrestle with daily.  I miss her, I really do miss her.