Sometimes You Just Need a Rainy Day

I am thankful that today was just a cloudy and rainy day and that it was on a lazy Sunday.  I like the fact that when the weather is like this and it has been awhile since it has rained, that it makes me not feel as guilty for laying around. :) Thankful for lazy, rainy Sunday's.  Thankful for the time to relax and to enjoy great company.

Day 24 - A Day Well Spent with Family and Great Friends

Today was a much needed day - family/friends therapy! I am so thankful for time spent with great people this morning followed by a day riding motorcycles with my family.  There is something so freeing when you are cruising on the country roads and feeling the wind blow in your face.  I am thankful for the hilarious conversations over lunch that literally had most of us in tears from laughing so hard. I have really been missing my dad, step-mom, brother, and sister in law lately, so today was just what I needed! So thankful for today, for my family, for great friends, great conversations, laughter, and motorcycle rides!

Day 23... Finding Comfort

Thankful for these songs and the serenity of the sunset by the lake on this crappy horrible day.

You Never Let Go 

Oceans 

How He Loves 

I Turn to You

Beautiful Things

Day 22...Something Peaceful about Water

I have always loved being outside by trees and water because there is just something peaceful about it.  This afternoon after a long day at school, I had the pleasure of sitting by one of the lakes here in Athens.  This lake is beautiful and surrounded by trees.  As I sat down in the grass and just stared off watching kids play in the water, dogs swimming, people sunbathing, and an older lady sitting in her chair off by herself reading a book, I couldn't help but just smile.  Perhaps water brings out the joy, laughter, and a sense of calmness in people.  I could have sat there all evening, just watching people, and staring out into the water.  I am thankful that water is one of many beautiful creations by God. I am thankful for the peace that it brings me.  God is good!

Day 21...Brighter Day

Today was a much brighter day! I can honestly say that I have felt God's peace from the moment I woke up and all throughout my day. He reminded me again that if I completely surrender to Him utterly and completely broken, He will begin to restore me.  I am thankful that He reminds me that I am loved by Him. Today I am thankful for my precious kids and their sweet spirits. I am thankful for my new class of fourth graders, so many of them who need loved. Thankful for a brighter day.

My sweet boy, so tired, he couldn't even finish his sucker.

Day 20...Dealing With It and Overcoming It

These past few days, wow - complete emotional basket case. I guess one can say if you are really letting yourself grieve losses in your life, you are dealing with it. If that is true, then all the tears I have cried actually can maybe be a positive thing? One major negative thing that I am trying to overcome is my insecurities and lack of self worth. It truly is a big black hole that holds me down, keeps my relationships at a distance,and dictates my life.  I am tired. However, I know that I can no longer let what others say or think of me dictate how I feel about myself.  In the end, it is how God views me that really matters and guess what - God has and always will love me unconditionally.  He created me and He forgives me.  I was reminded of this tonight and reminded that I matter, I am loved, and that I am worth it.  Sometimes it takes me coming literally to my knees, completely and utterly heart broken to break down those walls that I put up and let others in to see the real, raw me.  I am thankful that I have a God who loves me even when I am messed up and broken and people in my life who love me no matter what, who is there to cheer me on, and tell me that I am worth it and that I matter.
I saw the most beautiful sunrise on my way to work today, I believe it was God's way of telling me that His mercies are new every morning and He is right there with me - always.

Day 19...Picking Up the Pieces

Today I am thankful for the people in my life right now who are helping me pick up the pieces that have been broken in my life.  While those maybe few, I know the ones who are, are 100% there for me, loving me, being honest with me, supporting, and helping me no matter what.  I couldn't have made it without the support of people both here and far away.  I am also thankful for the way God can use crappy situations to strengthen relationships with family and friends.  Thankful for putting the pieces back together and the love and support I have from others to help me do it.  God is good.

Day 18...Just As The Title of My Blog Says...Finding Joy in the Mess of Life

When I started writing again a few weeks ago, I assumed my daily thankfulness would flow freely as it did before.  However, as you can see there have been days I didn't write, it hasn't flowed freely.  In the mess of my life right now, I am some days struggling to find joy.  Sure I can write the same things I am thankful for every day such as, my health, food to eat, my kids, my job, etc; but I want to find things that I really have to stop and think about so that I really appreciate them; things that I take for granted every day.  Just in the past few months there have been some heavy life altering events that have taken place and I often feel as if I am at my end and can't handle it anymore. I shut down, I withdraw, I cry, I get mad, and I just want to sleep and hope that when I wake up, that feeling of loneliness will have all slipped away.  Sadly, if I do sleep and wake up that weight bearing down on my chest and heart is still there.  Have there been some good things happen to me in the past few months? Sure, there have been absolutely amazing things that have happened and I am incredibly thankful for them, but it doesn't remove certain hurts that are still here.  I will say that I am thankful for what God is teaching me through this mess in my life. I was listening to one of the Christian stations on my way to work yesterday and they were talking about the word Grace - something that is undeserved and given to us by God because He loves us that much.  It is not something we can earn by doing "good" things. God has taught me a lot about grace over the course of my life, but even more so these past few months.  Hearing that grace is an "undeserved gift" from God because He loves us so much really hit me yesterday and brought comfort and peace.  This is something that I am extremely thankful for and take for granted on a daily basis. I don't deserve any of the gifts I receive each day, I don't deserve God's forgiveness for all of the crap I have done, but His grace is sufficient and He gives it to me every single day.  So today while I am feeling more of the "mess" in my life more than I do "joy", I am trying to cling on His grace to get me through and to really find JOY daily in the mess of my life.

2 Corinthians 12:9 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power ismade perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Day 17...Thankfulness

What I am thankful for today:
1. Feeling better.
2. Getting out to do a little back to school shopping and dinner with new friends.
3. Laughter - good for the soul.
4. Sleeping in.

Day 16...Recovering

It has been a long week since my surgery. I have realized that I am not a very good patient that likes to just lay around and not do anything. I have cabin fever and am so ready to feel "normal" again.  I haven't written all week because I just haven't felt in the right state of mind to write.  One of the bad things about having to stay inside and on bed rest is that you have so much time to think.  While it can be good to think, it can also be bad.  My thoughts of doubt, fear, anxiety, and stress slip back in and start to control my mind.  This in turn effects my emotional and mental state and it can be a downward spiral.  I am thankful for my friends who have checked on me, brought food, took care of my laundry, and drove me to my appointments.  My friends are glimpses of God showing me that He is still in control and taking care of me.

Day 15...Feel the Love

I apologize if this doesn't make sense as I am medicated from my surgery today. I am just going to list what I am thankful for today:
1. My surgery went well and I should be going home tomorrow.
2. The nursing, doctors, anesthesiologist, and staff  have been amazing.
3.  Friends who have came to visit, texted, messaged or called me today, I feel the love.
4. Glazed donuts that my awesome friend Brittany brought me tonight from McHappy's along with my sweet tea!
5. My awesome friends Shelly and Missy who brought the beautiful flower plant!
6. My dad!

Day 14...Taking My Own Advice

Sometimes I can be so great at trying to encourage others and give advice, but when similar situations happen to myself, I do not tend to take my own advice.  As I have mentioned before, of course there are crazy stressful stuff going on in my life, but I know of many others as well.  One particular person that I offered advice and tried to encourage just yesterday, reminded me today as I was spazzing out getting ready for my surgery tomorrow by saying my exact words I used: "God has got this. Let Him worry and take care of you." Ouch. Perhaps instead of worrying so much, I need to pray and remember God has my back. Thankful for the "gentle" reminders that God takes care of me despite my anxiousness and worry.
Thankful for:
1. Watching my sweet little guy sleep in the car today.
2. Playing with him at the park.
3. Taking my girl to get her hair cut and curled.
4. For my dad: he has always led the roles of both father and mother. He is here to be with me for my surgery tomorrow. Incredibly thankful for him.
5. Awesome people who have texted, emailed, came over, etc. to help me prepare and ask if I needed anything for my surgery, and let me know they are praying for me.
6. God answering prayers and providing.

Day 13...Worry is a Sneaky Beast

Just when I think I have this worry thing beat, it sneaks up without me even noticing it until I am physically ill. I am having surgery on Thursday, it requires me to stay in the hospital, and I am pretty anxious about it. I hadn't been until today when I had to go in for the pre-op stuff. I had my blood drawn, spoke with the nurse,and the anesthesiologist who just happens to be a friend of mine which is awesome! Worry makes me physically ill every single time. I was sick on my way into the appointment, afterwards, and the rest of the day. It sucks, because I am sick to my stomach and that makes me anxious on top of what I am already worrying about.
Worry is such a vicious, vicious cycle.  So today while I struggled and was sick from it, I prayed, and I reminded myself that God has this.
What I am thankful for today:
1. God answered prayers for a special friend of mine.
2. Seeing my kids laugh.
3. School shopping with my sweet girl.
4. Snuggles from my boy.
5. The beautiful moon in the sky tonight.
6. Encouraging words from others.

Cast all of your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.  I Peter 5:7

A verse I have always recited over and over in my head since I was a child and will continue through my surgery...and the rest of my life.

Day 12...What God Can Actually Do

There are so many people I know who are going through very stressful times in their lives.  And as everyone knows the past few years for me have been trying and especially the past few months.  Despite having accepted Christ into my life and then being baptized, attending church all of my life, attending Bible college, and experiencing God in so many different ways and levels, I still doubt.  I very much doubted that God could really get me through grad school, help me with that test, and help me get my license to teach.  I doubted that God could forgive me for crap that I have done and doubted that He loved me unconditionally.  To my amazement as He always does, He answered my prayers, and showed me that He has been walking beside me the whole time.  Did he answer them in the way and time frame that I expected? No, He did not. It took a whole year, lots of money, time, heartache, disappointment, to get my license, AND I still haven't passed that Social Studies test. I am not teaching it currently so it is not a big deal, but He answered it in His timing. He knew that in a year the state would change their mind and allow teachers to just get their license in one content area rather than two.  I look back over the past year of trying to pass that test.  It was trying, extremely trying, my job was always on the line and still was until last week, up to the very last second.  But I think of all the things I have learned. I have learned a lot about myself, I have developed relationships with people that I would never have if it weren't for studying for this test, I have learned that no matter what, you have to keep trying and keep fighting for something you truly want. I learned for the millionth time that God has and always will take care of me, even when I am completely lost and swimming in a sea of doubt and lack of faith, He was and is still there.  He had a purpose for the suffering I endured.  I am not sure why He had me do go through all of that, and I may never know the "main reason", but I do know I learned a lot and was reminded of who God is and what He can really do.
I think back and remember that any time someone told me "Do not worry", "God will work it out", "Do not stress about it", "It will be okay", I seriously sometimes wanted to punch them, okay not really, but it did make me angry at times.  There were times where I honestly did not think I would be okay and that God must be mad at me because He is nowhere to be found and is not helping me at all.  But the truth of it was, I am glad that God had those people tell me that, even though I didn't want to hear it, because they really did help me get through it.  Looking back I am thankful for those reminders of God taking care of me.
As I sit here tonight, I know of a few people who are completely stressed out, worrying how they will provide for them self and their family, where they will work, how will the bills get paid this month, worried that they are not worth anything, why do other people love them....and it makes my heart incredibly heavy.  Perhaps one of the reasons God had me endure this deep darkness of life was so that I could completely understand when others experience the same heartache.  Every single thing I listed above are things I have and still do sometimes feel and it completely sucks and you truly feel like you will never get out of that dark hole.  Maybe God is using me to help others get through this stage of life, and I just truly hope I am doing all that God intends me to do.  It is weird to think of where I was and my view of God just a few weeks ago, and to where I am today. Now I am the one saying - " You will be okay" "You are worth something" "This doesn't define who you are as a person" " God will take care of you" "Do not worry" "Do not stress".
But I also know some of those things are not possible - worry, stress, etc. they are not for me, it truly isn't. So instead I say this and most importantly I pray this - "God, please fill their hearts and minds with Your peace, Your love, Your understanding. God please show them how much You love them and that You will truly take care of them. God please help them deal with their stress in a way that they can relax and can rely on others and most importantly learn to trust and rely on You.
My heart is heavy for people I love so very much, but I am thankful that I know that God is and will be taking care of them, and I am so thankful that God loves me and loves these people so so much and that I and they are worth it!
This is one of my absolute favorite verses; one that I often recite in my head when things are tough.

 6Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Day 11...Celebrating My Nephew's Baptism

Today was a celebratory day.  My nephew Gabe was baptized by his grandfather and my brother.  I have seen many baptisms and every single time my eyes fill with tears and of course today was no exception.  Choosing to publicly show your decision that you have accepted Christ into your life and that for the rest of your life, you choose to live for Him is the most important decision a person can make.  I am so thankful I was able to be apart of Gabe's special day today.  I am thankful for a day spent with family and seeing one of my very best friends that I haven't seen in a long time.
There were seven other people who were baptized today, two of them adult women.  Watching them be baptized reminded me of just how vast God's love and forgiveness is for us.  I remember so clearly the day I was baptized, I was thirteen years old on August 29, 1993. That was a day that forever changed my life for the better.  Today was a glorious day, for this I am thankful.

Day 10... Meaningful Talks

I often hear many people say that because of technology and cell phones that there is not a lot of real conversations that take place. I would have to partially agree with that statement, but I also believe that when you have that strong connection and trust with someone, those long meaningful conversations take place all the time despite the distractions of technology. Tonight I am thankful for having one of those meaningful conversations. Thankful for that level of trust and the ability to be real. 

Other things I am thankful for today:

1. My nephew is getting baptized tomorrow and it will be a day of celebration with my family tomorrow.

2. Thunderstorms 

3. Shopping - 

4. Excitement of starting to write lesson plans for this upcoming school year.

5. God's faithfulness.

6. Real friendships

Day 9...Summer Nights

Summer nights just have something magical about them. Tonight was one of those fun and relaxing summer nights. Thankful for wonderful weather, beautiful gorgeous night sky with the orange glow of the moon, fun music listening to a live band, all with great company.  Thankful for a much better ending to this week!